POLITICS

“Dear Herman…” –an open, imaginary letter to a candidate in trouble

Comment
Decrease Increase Text size

As Herman Cain reassesses his candidacy,Thuman’s CAPITOL Thoughts  imagines what a little friendly advice might look like from someone who’s been there before.

Dear Herman,

Man, you were almost there. You were so close to escaping the slings and arrows of the ill-tempered media just salivating at the thought of your political demise. I mean, four accusers? And you still somehow had put it behind you? Impressive. Seriously, impressive!

Heck, you were even IMPROVING in polls and raking in MORE cash for a while. You got your otherwise reclusive wife to sing your praises on TV (something I couldn’t swing) and I thought, "gee this guy really is ready for the big-time in the Beltway"

But now, lemme see, how do I insert one of those sad-faced emoticons? :( (sweet). Now, it looks like Ginger White may be joining the ranks. Put her on the list right under Donna Rice, Monica Lewinsky and Ashley Dupre. That’s of course IF these latest accusations are true. And while that’s still just an IF, the phone records, signed books, travel documents certainly don’t help your case.

So now what? I mean, I saw your denial to Wolf Blitzer Monday.

Quick aside: remember just last week when you kept calling him “Blitz”? LOL. (go to 2:40 into the video below)


I don’t mean to make light of this whole saga. It’s just that I know something about how these things go down. After all, I did an entire DAY of denial interviews - 12 full hours - of telling every camera crew that came my way that I didn’t do it. Can you believe I tried to say these pics aren’t me?

Now I’m not saying you did, Herman. I have no clue, really. Although White sounded pretty confident in her story, telling that Atlanta TV station: “It was pretty simple. It wasn’t complicated. I was aware that he was married, and I was also aware I was involved in a very inappropriate situation, relationship.” And I know you say you were just trying to “help her financially”.

But, IF it’s not just “dirty politics and smear tactics” as you keep saying, IF you did and you’re lying about it…and IF it turns out the media was actually right on target with this one…let me offer a few words of wisdom.

Fess up and do it fast! I know your attorney says the sexual life of a candidate is private, but if you act now you can still salvage that big speaking circuit fee you’ve been building up. The book sales will only skyrocket (especially if you stop the presses and turn it into a tell-all). And the public has a short memory, trust me. You’ll be drawing the crowds at Costco again in no time.

Sure, Saturday Night Live will have some fun at your expense. Leno and Letterman will lob countless zingers your way about 9-9-9 being the number of women you’ve been with or special delivery pizza jokes. But those will pass with time.

The Hill is a place where careers don’t die amid affairs, sometimes they can actually flourish. Just ask David Vitter, or for that matter, Bill Clinton. (Don’t bother Mark Sanford though.)

But I might back off the attacks on the ‘unethical media’ as you call them, or the other four women who you say all happen to be ‘liars.’ Back off that line that you’ve “never done anything inappropriate, ever to anybody.” Cause frankly, who hasn’t erred somewhere along the line, right?

Anyway, it’s just a bit of friendly advice. What’s that old adage? “Hurt me with the truth but don’t comfort me with lies?”

IF you did have a 13 year affair, IF the four accusers are telling the truth and IF there’s more we don’t even know about yet, rip the Band-Aid off now and rebuild.

Believe me, I wish I had.

Sincerely,

Anthony Weiner
Former Rep, (D) NY

Would you like to contribute to this story? Join the discussion.

Recommended For You
comments powered by Disqus