Today’s perusal of the pop-culture news stand finds fake-but-funny missives, a death threat, an oddly placed tattoo, many other items, and the mystery music video.

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A WANNABE?: Maybe, but it’s pretty good, per the Los Angeles Times, “Like the satirical news site the Onion, Hollywood & Swine grabs show business headlines and gives them a droll overhaul, lacing its pretend stories with made-up quotes from real industry figures. Among the site's recent headlines: "Paralyzed Woman Regains Use of Her Legs After 25 Years in a Wheelchair; Walks Out of 'Battleship'"; "After Seeing 'The Watch,' Make-A-Wish Kid Wishes for Ben Stiller to Stop Making Movies"; "Reese Witherspoon Offers Her Acting Services Through Groupon in Attempt to Revive Her Career"; and "MPAA Releases New Report: Nobody Has Ever Pirated an Eddie Murphy Movie." http://lat.ms/OlmRDx

AND A SAMPLE: They also do follow-up stories, per Hollywood & Swine, “Following news of Jennifer Aniston’s engagement to Justin Theroux, Aniston’s ex-husband Brad Pitt and fiancée Angelina Jolie have announced they are re-gifting to the couple the Smoking Indonesian Baby, which they received from George Clooney as a wedding present earlier this year. "We were really hoping they'd give us the Margaritaville blender," Aniston told Hollywood & Swine. "But the Smoking Indonesian Baby is the next best thing." http://bit.ly/Piz2Q8

DEATH THREAT: From the usual suspects, per People, “Now that Prince Harry has officially left the Las Vegas party circuit for the frontlines of Afghanistan, he's facing a threat from the Taliban there. . . "We are using all our strength to get rid of him, either by killing or kidnapping," a Taliban spokesman has said, according to reports. Britain's Ministry of Defence has not commented on the Taliban's statement, according to Reuters, and few details about Prince Harry's time in Afghanistan have been released for security reasons.” http://bit.ly/OAFOOa

HEY, IF IT MAKES HER HAPPY: Who are we to judge?, per Us Weekly, “Sharing a topless (but still PG-13) photo, Rihanna revealed some dramatic new ink on the very top of her ribcage depicting the feathered Egyptian goddess Iris. The latest body art is a tribute to her beloved grandmother, Dolly, who passed away in late June. "Goddess Isis- Complete Woman," Rihanna writes in the caption for the topless tattoo reveal."Model for future generations- #GRANGRANDOLLY - always in and on my heart #1love." http://bit.ly/NVLHty

OK, WHATEVER: This story is a long way from going away, per Radar, “Kristen Stewart continues to wear her heart on her sleeve -- by wearing ex-boyfriend Robert Pattinson’s baseball cap on her head! The Twilight star -- who scandalously cheated on R-Pattz with her ‘Snow White’ director Rupert Sanders -- was photographed Sunday at Toronto’s Pearson International Airport after attending the Toronto Film Festival.” http://bit.ly/P7OcGg

WHILE THEY WERE AWAY: Dave and the boys recorded a new album, per Rolling Stone, “DMB hit the studio with Steve Lillywhite – who produced 1994's Under the Table and Dreaming and 1996's Crash – and cut Away From the World (due out September 11th), their strongest album in years. Newly written highlights range from the Al Green-inspired "If Only" to the trippy, 10-minute epic "Drunken Soldier." http://bit.ly/Pb6fJB

TORONTO FILM FESTIVAL: Flops are few, per The Wrap, “As the Toronto International Film Festival comes to the end of its first – and busiest – weekend, a consensus is emerging that all in all, this is a good year at TIFF. Over the festival's first four days, most of the big movies that came in with good reputations from previous festivals, including "The Master," "Argo," "Frances Ha," "Anna Karenina" and "The Sessions," only burnished those pre-TIFF reps.” http://bit.ly/O8rTNO

LENO: It’s official, per the Wall Street Journal, “Late-night talk show host Jay Leno took a 50% pay cut as part of NBC's budget-chopping effort last month at "The Tonight Show," the network said, detailing the scope of the changes for the first time as well as the reasoning behind them.” http://on.wsj.com/O8tfYW

KGB ANYONE?: Ah, we kid, per the AP, “A music festival to support jailed members of the Russian band Pussy Riot went forward despite official pressure to cancel it, organizers said Monday. Olga Kurnosova said city officials had tried to force her to stop Sunday's show in St. Petersburg - President Vladimir Putin's hometown - and firefighters had threatened to close down the Glavklub hall, claiming safety violations ahead of the concert.” http://apne.ws/RDHwxj

BELUSHI: Or something like that, per Deadline, “Live from Chicago — it’s Saturday Night Live‘s new cast additions. The veteran NBC sketch comedy series just announced that it is adding three featured players heading into its 38th season: Aidy Bryant, Tim Robinson and Cecily Strong. All three hail from Chicago. The reinforcements are coming as SNL is returning without departing cast members Kristen Wiig, Andy Samberg, and Abby Elliott, with Jason Sudeikis, who portrays Presidential candidate Mitt Romney, also rumored to exit following the November election.” http://bit.ly/TJhrli

BOX-OFFICE REPORT: In a word, grim, per Entertainment Weekly, “Chances are, you weren’t at the movies this weekend. Not a single film at the box office reached $10 million. Call it the curse of The Oogieloves. The Top 12 films grossed a depressingly low $51.9 million — the worst Top 12 total since Sept. 5-7, 2008.” http://bit.ly/QzAFbV

QUICK TURNAROUND: Now you see then, now you see them again, per IndieWire, “The complete first seasons of the hit ABC shows Scandal, Revenge, and Once Upon a Time are now available to watch instantly on Netflix (for US members only). Season 1 of each series launches on Netflix just in time for their Season 2 premieres on ABC this fall. And following each of their Season 2 premieres, Netflix will be the only subscription service where members can watch entire past seasons of these specific shows.” http://bit.ly/PWD9hL

AND FINALLY: Today’s mystery music video. http://bit.ly/RDMjia

--Skip Wood (Follow me on Twitter @DaybreakSkip)